Exploring the Hidden Diamonds - Reflections of a Young Man™

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Exploring the Hidden Diamonds



Let me proclaim it proudly - I have never explored the hidden diamonds (that was my high school Social Ethics teacher's euphemism for having sex) because of my strong Christian upbringing. I am sparing my sexual purity for my wife who I hope is also doing the same for me wherever she is in this grand and beautiful planet.

But guess what? It has not been easy preserving my virginity till my current age of 28 given the lascivious thoughts that keep flooding in my mind every now and then. I just owe my virginity to God's grace because He has spared me from sexual snares in my moments of weakness.

Having been striving to be a man after God's heart like King David, I have tried to ward off those lascivious thoughts that have led me to view sexually explicit materials on the net for the last ten years. But I tell you, I have kept gravitating back towards those materials as if I am just moving around in an ellipse like the earth around the sun. And that has led me to realize that man is a political and sexual animal.

I have therefore accepted viewing sexually explicit materials as part of my life. And if you wish to know, my favourite pornographic actresses are Lisa Ann, Eva Notty, Sara Jay, Brandi Love, Darlene Amaro, Carmen Hayes and Cherokee D'ass.

Before you judge me harshly, consider what you would see if you could project on a screen the lustful thoughts of the seemingly godly people. You would be shocked, I tell you. So don't be surprised by what I have disclosed about myself.

In all honesty though, I wish to stop viewing those explicit materials and instead explore the hidden diamonds. Or as my friend Muthusi Muoma puts it, I'd like to go horizontal. And that's good because experts say sex is excellent for health. Even Benjamin Franklin recommended it in his vaunted autobiography that he penned in the 18th Century, long before HIV/AIDS popped around. He wrote:
"...use venery but for health or offspring, never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another's peace or reputation."
That's why I have now resolved to be pressuring God daily in prayer to connect me with my future wife as soon as possible. And when He does so, I will make it a point of considering not only the lady's brilliance, humour and wisdom but also her sexual attractiveness when dating. I will have to imagine her satisfying me in bed for her to qualify as my wife.

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DISCLAIMER: I DON'T RECOMMEND PORNOGRAPHY FOR KIDS UNDER 18 YEARS.

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Forgiveness



If forgiveness was all about proclaiming by mouth that we have forgiven someone, it would be very easy to pardon our transgressors. But it is more about feeling it in the heart which is why it is so difficult to forgive.

Sometimes we decide to forgive a person in the head but when we reflect on how evil that person was to us, we feel pain in our hearts. That reminds me of this poem I came across some years back in Profiles in Courage by John F. Kennedy:
"There was a dachshund once so long
He hadn't any notion
How long it took to notify
His tail of an emotion.

And so it happened, while his eyes
Were full of woe and sadness,
His little tail went wagging on
Because of previous gladness." [1]
Personally, I have been offended by some people who stole my property, spoke rudely to me or treated me unfairly. And when I reflect on those evil deeds, I feel like slapping those transgressors. Or as my friend Ronald Magut once humorously put it, I feel like "gouging out their balls and cutting off their protruding spears".

But at other times, I have felt in my heart of myself forgiving my transgressors so much that I have contacted them to share a joke. Sooner than later though, the pain of what they did to me re-surfaces in my heart and I regret for having reached out.

Indeed, forgiving others is difficult because it is more of healing the heart than declaring it with our heads. It has therefore dawned on me that I have to renew my vows of forgiveness every morning by reciting the Lord's Prayer which contains this line, "...forgive me my sins just as I forgive those who have sinned against me..." So help me God.

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[1] I have extracted this poem from Profiles in Courage by John F. Kennedy, published in 1955 by Harper & Brothers.

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I am not a Superman!



In his seminal book, The Mystery of God's Will, Chuck Swindoll admits that his life has been a roller-coaster. Sometimes he has felt so close to God that he could almost feel the flapping of angels' wings as they hovered around His throne. But at other times, he has felt strangely abandoned by God.

Swindoll made me feel in good company because my life has been a roller-coaster as well. At times, I have felt so connected to God and found great delight in pursuing my hobbies such as reading, writing and playing the piano. But at other times, I have felt strangely lowly in spirits that I have lost psyche to pursue my hobbies and ended up oversleeping until as late as 2pm.

I am hoping to overcome those times of low spirits once God fully reveals to me my purpose on earth. But for the time being, I just have to accept those lowly times as a normal part of human life and refrain from feeling embarrassed about them.

You see, it is not those lowly times that have weighed me down but the load of trying to project a superhuman spirit. I have wanted to be perceived as strong, cheerful and confident. And that has left me feeling guilty and made me withdraw from social activities as I have thought of myself as deserving rebuke.

I don't know where I acquired that superhuman mentality. (Certainly not from the Superman movie series because I haven't watched any of them). But I do know it has corroded my happiness and affected my mental health.

So I am going to "ditch that superhuman nonsense" (as one Wanjiru Kihusa puts it in her educative blog) and realize that it is okay not to be okay; it is okay not to have all the answers in life; and it is okay to be lazy when I don't know how to psyche myself up for a productive activity. So help me God.

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